The True Never Set Me Free, So I'll Do It Myself
by ohyouknow1231
Summary: "Is everything fine... Is the baby...?" Remus asked "She's fine Madam Pomfrey said that you didn't have enough hormones to support the baby. So as long as you wear a patch you should be fine, but you have weekly checkups." Sirius said "She?" Remus asked
1. True Feelings

I was running as fast as I could, running away from all of the embarrassment and pain that I had felt just two seconds ago. I ran through the halls, through the main doors, and I was outside. I forced myself to stop thinking, to stop remembering. I just wanted to run and run. My body was numb after about ten minutes of running and I knew that I was going to have to stop soon. I reached the forbidden forest and ran deep inside.

My thoughts came crashing down on me. Tears streamed down my face. How could he? The pain I was feeling felt like someone was stabbing me. Only instead of just going in and out, it felt like they were going in, twist, and then out.

I realized I was on the ground. I tried to run again to run away from everything, everyone, but it was too late I couldn't move and there was no escape

I fell to my knees and let out the inescapable cries.

The memories came crashing down again.  
>I couldn't see anything, but his face, his disgusted face. I wanted it to end, and I wanted me to end. I let out another cry but it was so loud that I almost stopped. I didn't want anyone to find me. I glanced around. That wasn't going to be a problem, because I didn't even know where I was, and I knew most places on Hogwarts grounds. It became cold, and dark. I was so tired that I didn't have any more energy to cry. I closed my eyes and waited for death.<br>But I waited…  
>And I waited…<br>I started to drift off, but I think that I was just falling asleep. I wished for some animal to find me, but I didn't hear a thing before blacking out.

…...

"I found him, James." Remus said.  
>"Where is he?" James's voice demanded. I hated myself for dreaming about him.<br>AGAIN!  
>"He looks dead." Remus whispered softly, as James approached. Now I wished<br>this wasn't a dream.  
>"Pick him up." James ordered, I felt a pair of hands go under me. 'This<br>dream seems so real.' I thought to myself.  
>I felt a light breeze and shadows dancing across my face.<br>James began talking again. I couldn't hear him, and I didn't want to. I never  
>wanted to see that monster again. So I let go of myself, and before I<br>knew it, I was blacked out again.

...

I awoke suddenly. I was on a bed, and a lot stronger than I was before, when I in the woods. I tried to move but there was someone on my torso. I opened my eyes. There was James, slumped onto my chest, sleeping. He'd obviously been here a while. Memories came crashing down again, and my eyes filled with tears. I hated him! Why did he always do this to me? 'HE TURNED ME GAY!' I screamed in my head.

I was filled up with so much hate, I felt like I was on fire. I wanted to push him off of me; I wanted to beat him until he felt the pain I did. That would show him! But I couldn't do it. Not because I couldn't move, but because I was in love with him. It would kill me to see him go through so much pain. I was better if I went through it instead of him. I hated myself for thinking that because that was the reason I was in this mess. I let my head fall on the pillow, and allowed the tears to fall silently.

...

I woke up again and to my relief no one was on top of me. But I was scared to open my eyes, afraid of what I might see. Or more accurately, who I might see.

I waited, and listened, but it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I slowly opened my eyes. There wasn't anyone in the room. I sat up and was surprised at how much strength I had. I would have to send Madam Pomfrey a thank you note. I looked around there was a plate of food on the nightstand next to  
>my cot. My stomach started to growl when the aroma of the food touched my nostrils, so I picked up the plate and started shoveling food into my mouth. It tasted like nothing, I didn't really realized what I was eating but I didn't care. I finished and lie back down, falling asleep again.<p>

...

"Sirius" Remus said shaking me.  
>"Uhn… Go away." My voice wasn't as strong as the rest of me felt, and it cracked.<br>"Are you okay?" He asked, obviously concerned.  
>"I'm fine," I said with a weak smile. "Nothing can hurt Sirius Black." Except James Potter.<p>

One minute I was lying there on my bed, and the next, I was in Remus' arms. My face turned beet red and I was ashamed to admit that I was a little turned on.  
>"Sirius" Remus sobbed. I was shocked, and he pulled me closer towards him.<br>"What's wrong Remus?" I said, placing my hand on the back of his neck.  
>"Are you really asking me that?"<br>"I'm sorry?" I was confused.  
>"Sirius, don't you ever do that again. Do you know how<br>scared we were? How scared I was?" Remus' voice was slightly angry.  
>"Um… Remus?"<p>

"Yeah?"

"I can't breathe."  
>"Oh, sorry." Remus said letting go.<br>"So what's up?" I asked, lying back.  
>"Sirius you looked like you were died. Why did you run away?" Remus asked coming closer towards me. 'What is wrong with him why does he want to be so close to me?' I asked myself I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I closed my eyes trying so hard to push the memories back down.<br>"I'm sorry" Remus said hugging me again, but because I was lying down then he was just on top of me. I pushed the filling down again, knowing they were never going to disappear.


	2. Letting Go

**A/N: Sorry it took soooo long to update I just didn't want to you know? Any ways hope you like it, what am I saying of course you will like it. I think it's pretty funny if you ask me, but let me know what you think k****J**

**Sa5m)**

After Remus spent the night with me, I didn't see him again until I was  
>released. However, I did see James. He came by every night, and I pretended to<br>be asleep. I just couldn't face him, but I had to, because we had a lot of  
>classes together. Maybe there was a way that I could stay in bed all day, but<br>there was no way I would get out of seeing him, since we shared a room.  
>Although I was extremely worried about James, Remus kept sneaking into my<br>thoughts. The way that his face looked when he saw me in the hospital wing –  
>it just irked me. Maybe he…. No forget it there was no way. I was finally in<br>my room and I was so exhausted because I didn't get any sleep, what with all  
>the worrying. I walked over to my bed and practically jumped into the soft<br>covers. I drifted into sleep.

_

I woke up feeling refreshed for the first time this year. I stretched my arms  
>above my head and yawned.<br>"Good! You're awake now. I can finally talk to you…. What happened Sirius?"  
>James asked me, tentatively.<br>"Dude! I just got up, I'm still sleepy." I whined.  
>"For real, man! Why did you run away?" He got up from the makeshift chair he<br>was sitting in (my bedside table) and put both his knees on either side of my  
>legs, using his hands to pin my arms down.<br>"James, get off of me!" I demanded.  
>"Not until you tell me what's going on." He said.<br>"Fine, I'll tell you, just get off of me." James jumped onto the floor, I ran into the adjoining bathroom and shut the door behind me.  
>"Sirius, you promised!" James accused through the door.<br>"I don't think I ever said promise." I put my back to the door.  
>"If you don't open it I will." James threatened.<br>"No! Please, it's easier if I'm not looking at you." I slowly sank to the  
>floor.<br>"Okay. What is it?"  
>"James I'm...I...James?"<p>

"Yeah?"

"I like you."  
>"This is what all this was about? Dude, I tell you that I like you every day."<br>James talked to me like I was an idiot, which I suppose I was.  
>"No I mean I like you. Like the way you like Lily… I like you like that."<br>"Oh." I could hear James slide down the opposite side of the door. He sighed,  
>and I joined in.<br>"So what are we going to do?" I asked him.  
>"I dont know."<br>"So does this mean that we can't be friends?" I asked. James was my whole life  
>and if he said yes then I would die.<br>"Oh Sirius is that what you are so worried about?"  
>"Yes I… James I can't lose you." And I couldn't.<br>"Sirius, you aren't losing me. You are closer than a brother to me. If I lost  
>you… I would die" Guiltily, my heart soared a little when he said that.<br>I started crying.  
>"Sirius, are you crying?" James was incredulous.<br>"No! A spider just went in my eye."  
>"If you're going to lie, then say something that is actually believable…<br>Sirius, open the door. "  
>I got up and opened it.<br>"Come on, Padfoot." James said arms open, using the nickname I'd been given. I  
>hugged him and started crying more.<br>"Hey! There is nothing you can do to ever lose me. I'm not letting you get  
>away from me that easily."<br>"Really?" It was a little perfect right then.  
>"Of course. I love you Sirius. I would be lost without you"<br>"So would I." I said. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"Um.." My face turned beet red.  
>"Yeah, I know you're turned on."<br>"You do?"  
>"Yes. You'd have to be an idiot not to feel it."<br>"Sorry." I said, backing away from him.  
>"Don't worry about it."<br>"James? Are you sure you aren't?"  
>"I'm not… but if I was I would want to be with you." James pulled me into<br>another hug.  
>"Sirius, I want you to know that no matter what, you have me. I wish that I<br>could give you what you want, but I can't. That's like asking you to be  
>straight, and I would never do that to you." I hugged him tighter.<br>"Thanks, James"  
>"Anytime." He patted the top of my head, making me feel like a six year old.<br>"Um… Sirius?"  
>"Yeah?" I asked, hugging him tighter.<br>"I'm going to let go now, sorta because I can't breathe, but mostly because  
>you're really hard right now and it feels really weird."<br>"Oh, sorry."  
>"Don't worry about it, mate." He said smiling.<br>**A/N: Let me know what you think k ****J**


	3. Trying Not To Feel

**A/N: Hope you like it and if you didn't notice the chapters have be rewritten. People keep pointing out my mistakes so I go back and fix them just letting you know**.

"Hey Sirius do you want to practice for the match tomorrow?" James asked me  
>"Sure" I grabbed my broom and we headed to the filed<br>"Ok... wait we should asked Remus to play with us"  
>"No" I said a little too quickly, I know I shouldn't but I wanted to spend time with James alone.<br>"Why are you and Remus in a fight?" James looked at me confused  
>"Well no but I don't really want to go find him" Please buy it. I repeated to myself over and over in my head.<br>"Oh ok…I'm going to try to do that move that I was showing you guys in practice you wait here and release the ball" James got on his broom and started going when he was a good ten feet in the air then he yelled down for me to release the ball. So I did and he went after it.  
>'Wow he's really good at that' I thought looking at him. We practice for a good hour. then hit the showers<br>"Sirius do you really have to do your hair it's been ten minutes and it looks the same"  
>"Shut up James, some of us want to look good" I replied trying to force my hair to the other side, but it wouldn't go!<br>"I look good don't I?" James said I looked at him; I didn't realized that he didn't have a shirt on until now. I never really notice that he... I shook my head and force the thought down. He is not available  
>"Sure you look good but you hair looks like a mop. no wonder Lily doesn't want to go out with you, maybe she thinks that your hair is going to grab her and devour her" I said still trying to get my hair to stay<br>"You think that you can fixes it?" James asked standing next to me  
>"I don't know... if I try will my hands get eaten?" I replied I was finally able to get my hair to stay.<br>"Shut up" James said pushing me  
>"Hey you are going to mess up my hair" I put my hand over my head to protected it<br>"Come on just try it" James said standing in front of me  
>"Ok ok fine" I stood behind him and put my hands on top of his head. 15 minutes later I wanted to pull his hair out<br>"It's not staying no matter what I try I even tried magic but it still won't stay" I said giving up  
>"I told you I can't get it to do anything" James said<br>"Wait I think I know how to make it stay as long as you let me cut your hair" I did magic and scissors appeared I grabbed some of his hair but before I was able to cut any off he moved  
>"James hold still" I tried to grab it again but he wouldn't let me<br>"Sirius I'm not letting you cut off my hair"  
>"But why I promise I know what I am doing"<br>"No Sirius I won't let you" I pulled out my wand and stunned him. He started to fall to the floor  
>"crap I guess I didn't think of that" it took a while but I was finally able to get him to stand up. I sat on the sink and wrapped my legs around his waist so that he wouldn't fall again.<br>"Ok now let the magic begin" I started cutting his hair. It took another 30 minutes but I was finally able to get it right.  
>"Ok I'm done" I said turning him around. 'Dang he looks HOT, I'm good at this' I thought. My face started to turn red James' lips were inches away. I started to go closer 'WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING' I screamed in my head. I dropped my legs and James fell to the floor.<p>

"Sorry" I took the hex off of him and he stood up  
>"Sirius I'm going to kill you" James said standing up. he looked in the mirror and put his hand to his head<br>"Wow I really do look good" I wanted to tell him not to touch his hair, but I couldn't stop thinking about what I was about to do. 'What the heck is wrong with me?' I looked at James again and started to noise how hot he was, the way his... I stopped myself 'HE IS NEVER GOING TO BE AVAILABLE!' I screamed in my head. Shaking my head I got off the sink. James put his arm around me forcing me to look in the mirror  
>"Look we match" James said<br>"Oh crap I'm sorry James it's the only style that I know how to do."  
>"That ok" James said he put his hand in my hair and mess it up<br>"James I'm going to kill you, do you know how look it took me to do my hair?"  
>"Yes I was there when you were doing it." James said running out of the locker room<br>"Why the heck did you do that anyways?" I asked chasing James  
>"While you were so disappointed that you made us look the same I thought that I would help you out" James yelled back<br>"Why didn't you just mess up your hair" I was inches away from catching him  
>"Are you crazy I like this hair style, and it took so long for you to do it."<br>"I'm going to kill you James" I said grabbing his arm. I pulled him down and sat on top of him  
>"Sirius no you can't kill it this is the best you were able to do all week. I'll do the honors and show it off for you."<br>"Shut up James" I said laughing messing his hair up  
>"If anyone is showing off that hair due its me"<br>"No Sirius you killed it" James said putting his hand on his head  
>"You're so dumb James" I said laughing<br>"What time is it I'm starving?" James asked looking up at me  
>"Who do you think I am?" I looking down on him<br>"I'm cold Padfoot get off of me" James said struggling to get up  
>I pined his shoulders down with my hands and said "No this is your fault you get to be cold"<br>"Well if I can't have a shirt on then you can't it's just not fare" James said trying to take my shirt off  
>"Nope James you can't" I said grabbing his hand<br>"Why?" James whined  
>"Life's not fare" I replied I was inches from his face when someone interrupted<br>"What are you guys doing" Remus asked standing over us  
>"Sirius is mad at me so he took off my shirt and forced me out side then he said that he was going to kill me if I told you that he wanted to kiss you." James said smirking<br>"Shut up James" I said covering his mouth  
>"Then let me go I'm cold and hungry" James said over my hand<br>"Fine you baby" I said getting up, James ran off to the locker room  
>"Did that really happen?" Remus asked coming beside me<br>"What… Oh no he's a big fat liar" I turned and faced Remus, and had to take a step back because he was so close  
>"Well that's too bad" Remus said looking a little sad<br>"What is?" I asked looking at him  
>"What? Oh nothing" Remus said<br>"Okay hey do you want to go and eat?" I asked  
>"Sure…wait don't you want to wait for James?"<br>"No I'm still kind of mad at him"  
>"So what did happen than?"<br>"He mess up my hair Remus"  
>"Okay?" Remus said laughing "I swear you acted like a girl sometimes"<br>"Whatever do you mean" I said flirtatiously blinking my eyes  
>"Don't do that" Remus said his face turning red<br>"But I just find you so hot" I said using an accent  
>"I'm seriously man stop it" Remus said laughing<p>

"Fine"

"Hey so I was wondering if you wanted to go out to night" Remus asked me I notice that he looked a little nervous. 'Maybe he is nervous because the full moon is in a week' I said to myself  
>"Sure what do you want to do?"<br>"I don't know maybe we could go to hogshead we are running low on a few things" Remus said stopping  
>"That's sounds like a good idea I'll tell James"<br>"Wait …. Um I was thinking that we could go alone… besides James has to meet Lily tonight I think…. For a heads meeting" Remus said looking even more nervous

"Oh you are right he does" I said opening the door

…

**Remus' view  
><strong>  
>I tried on three outfits, I know that he isn't going to notice but I want to look good anyways. Sirius walked in as I was buttoning the last button.<br>"Hey man what's up?" He says walking towards me  
>"Just getting ready for tonight"<br>"Oh yah I forgot" Sirius says rubbing his head  
>"No Sirius you said that you were going to go" I didn't get ready for nothing!<br>"I know I'm still going I just forgot" Sirius says walking over to James' bed  
>"Hey so do you have James' cloak?" Sirius asked<br>"Yah it's right here"  
>"Cool lets go"<br>"Wait aren't you going to change?"

"Why?"

"Cuz they are going to know that you are not supposed to be there. By the school uniform someone might tell on us"  
>"You're right but I don't have any clean clothes can I use yours" Sirius said going through my clothes<br>"Do I have a choices?" I asked watching Sirius picked out an outfit, he started changing  
>"Um… I just be down stairs" I replied turning away I could fill my face turning red<br>"Wait I'm all most done I'll come with you" Sirius said zipping his pants and taking off his shirt  
>"Ok" trying not to look at him<br>"OK I'm ready" we walked out of the door and went to the third floor  
>"Ok lets go" Sirius said holding the trap door up, I climbed in and he followed me.<br>"Wow I can never get used to how dark it is down here" Sirius said  
>"Yah I know" I say all most falling down<br>"Are you okay?" Sirius says taking my hand to keep me from falling.  
>"Yah I'm fine just a little nervous" I started to be very aware that Sirius was still holding my hand<br>"If I let go you're not going to fall again are you, when we climb through the trap door that is at the end of this tonal we need you to not be injured"  
>"Yes Sirius I think that I can walk." I replied<br>"Okay I'm going to let now and you're not going to fall again are you?"  
>"No Sirius I'm not" I say taking my hand from his<p>

"Sorry"

"Well you don't have to make fun of me" About ten minutes later I fell flat on my face  
>"Remus!" Sirius screamed<br>"Ow!"  
>"Here let me see" Sirius said sitting beside me, he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him<br>"How is it?" I asked the moment he touched me butterflies filled my stomach and I felt like throwing up  
>"Do you know any healthing spells?"<br>"Yes but I didn't bring my wand"  
>"Wait you didn't bring you wand… I didn't bring my either cuz I thought that you brought yours"<br>"Seriously none of us brought our wands do you know how dangerous that is"  
>"Like I said I thought that you had brought yours"<br>"Just hurry up and get this blood off of my face" I said. Sirius grabbed the cloak and started cleaning off my face.  
>"Wow Remus this is a lot of blood do you think that we are going to make the trip?" Sirius said lening closer towards me. 'If he comes any closer I'm going to do it' I thought looking at his lips.<br>"Remus I really don't think that you are going to make the trip, you are all ready weak from the full moon" Sirius said still examining my face 'I don't care I'm just going to do it' I started to len towards him, but right before our lips touch then he stood up and took off his shirt  
>"Here that should stop the bleeding for now" Sirius said raping his shirt around my head<br>"Do you think that you can walk, we didn't go too far?" Sirius asked helping me up. I saw stars and started to fall again  
>"Okay I'm guessing not" he put an arm around my waist<br>"Man I should have held your hand the whole time" I wish that you held my hand the whole time  
>"Sorry about your shirt it's all full of blood now"<p>

"Don't worry about it that's your shirt"

"Right" We made our way to the castles

**A/N: Let me know what you think if you want to **


	4. In Your Arms

**A/N: if anyone can think of a spell let me know**

"Wow what happen to you guys" James asked as Remus and Sirius walked in the corridor

"He fell" Sirius said still helping Remus walk. Remus and Sirius went into their room and found their wands

"Okay Remus lay down"

"Where on your bed?" Remus said looking hopeful

"I don't care" Sirius looked at him confused

"Help me" Sirius picked him up and gently place him on his bed

"Okay what spell do you want me to use?" Sirius asked standing over him.

"Episkey"

"Ok" Sirius said the spell and Remus started healing

"Thanks Sirius" Remus got up and Sirius was inches away. Remus started to get dizzy and stop breathing

"No problem" Sirius put a hand on Remus' shoulder.

"Oh hey James" Sirius said walking away. Remus sign and went to his bed and pulled his covers over. He was about to climb into it when he notice that there was bugs everywhere he started to scream

"What is it" James asked

"There is no way I'm sleeping on that!" Remus said

"Its ok you can sleep with Sirius"

"Okay" Remus said a little too quickly

"Wait why can't he sleep on your bed?" Sirius asked James

"Why do you not want him to sleep on your bed?" James asked with a raised eye brow

"I don't really care I'm just wondering"

"Oh Peter is sleeping on my bed"

"Okay I'm going to go now" James said and started to walk out

"Wait why?" Sirius asked

"I have to meet Lily"

"Why?" Sirius asked looking sad

"For a meeting"

"But it's nine"

"I don't choose the time" James said shrugging his shoulders, and walked out

"Well I'm going to start getting ready for bed" Sirius said walking into the bathroom

Remus started to get ready in the room. when he was done he went into Sirius' bed and started to fall asleep; right when he was a sleep Sirius jumped in. Remus started screaming, Sirius covered his ears

"Why are you screaming"

"What are you... don't Sirius I just fell asleep"

"I'm going to bed this is my bed you know"

"I know Sirius I'm not dumb" Remus got a good look at Sirius his hair was wet and he only had pants on. His face started to turn red

"Lets just go to bed ok I'm tired" Remus said and laid farther away from Sirius

"Ok" Sirius laid beside Remus and slowly fell asleep meanwhile Remus laid away nearly falling off the bed. 'Okay I think he's asleep'

Remus turn around and started to push him over to the other side 'Finally!' Remus though. He started to move over to his side, but Sirius move with him Remus turn around and started to push Sirius again. Sirius grabbed Remus and pulled him closer

"Sirius" Remus said into his chest, Remus looking up at him but he was asleep, Remus wrap his hand around his neck and kiss him

"Remus what is going on?" Sirius asked against his lips.

"Shh to go back to sleep" Remus said and kissed him again, Sirius started to kiss him back, holding him tighter, but then he stop

"Sirius?" Remus asked but he started snoring

"Good night" Remus kissed him one more time then tucking his head down into his chest.

**A/N: I know it really short I wanted to give you guys a little hope before I rip it all away **

**"hehehehe" me rubbing my hands together mysteriously**


	5. The Calm Before the Storm

**A/N I am only uploading this now because I took so long uploading the last one**

Sirius woke up to Remus shaking him

"What do you want" Sirius said trying to push him away

"It's time to get ready for class" Remus said frowning at him

"Go away" Sirius said pulling the covers over his head

Remus was about to pull them off when James walked up to him

"Are you really trying to wake him up?" James said laughing

"Shut up James" Remus said looking at Sirius again

"I'm just saying it's hard" James said walking away

"Sirius come on get up" Remus said trying to shake him awake again

"Good luck" James said leaving the room

"Fine don't get up, but ether way you are going to get ready" Remus whispered a spell under his breath and Sirius got up and went into the shower. Ten minutes later Sirius walked out with wet hair and was dressed and ready for class but his eyes were still closed.

"Doesn't it fell better to fill all clean?" Remus asked moving closer to him. He put his arms around his neck; Sirius fell on top of him

"HOLY COW SIRIUS HOW CAN YOU STILL BE ASLEEP?" Remus screamed in his ear.

Remus tried to push Sirius off of him, Sirius' Eyes opened half way

"Why are you under me?" Sirius asked looking at him. Remus started to blush

"You fell on me"

"Oh" Sirius said closing his eyes again, Sirius' head was still above his. Remus grabbed the back of his head and pulled him closer and started kissing him. Sirius opened his eyes wide

"What are you doing" Sirius said pulling away.

"Um..." Remus asked trying to get away.

"Why were you kissing me?" Sirius asked holding him down

"What do you mean you were kissing me all night" Remus said he stop trying to get away

"What are you talking about?" Sirius tried to remember '_But wasn't that a dream'_ he thought remember the kiss '_But it felt so real'_ Sirius started to blush

"I don't know what you are talking about" He said standing up quickly rubbing the back of his head.

"Why is my hair wet, did you bath me?" Sirius asked looking mad

"No Sirius I used a spell to make you get ready" Remus replied looking annoyed

"Look Remus nothing can happen between us"

"But why?" Remus pleaded coming closer to him

"It will never work out, and I don't want to mess up our friendship" Sirius said moving backwards

"But it can work let me show you" Remus said trying to grab his hand.

"Remus just stay away from me. I know that it won't work out and I don't want to mess up our friendship over nothing" Sirius said walking out

"I'm not nothing" Remus whispered to himself

…

Remus was Studying in the library with Lily

"What is wrong?" Lily asked

"Sirius is being a big jerk"

"Why what happen?" Lily asked

"He kissed me" Remus said

"That's great" Lily said looking excited for her friend

"It's really not" Remus replied

"What why not"

"Because he doesn't remember doing it so when I kissed him this morning he told me to stay away from him" Remus said continuing "He said it could never work out, and he doesn't want our friendship to change"

"Well of course it's never going to be the same" Lily said

"Yeah I know that, but he just wants to pretend like nothing ever happened"

"I'm sure he just needs a little push in the right direction"

Remus sorted "Yeah and who is going to do that"

"I can talk to him see if I can't get him to go on a date with you"

"I don't know I mean I don't want to force him. I want him to want to be with me not because someone told him to"

"Maybe he'll change his mind if I explain it to him"

"I've been trying to get you to go out with James, and that never worked"

"But this is different" Lily said

"But how is it?"

"You guys are friends and I hate James"

"Really Lily James is in love with you; I'm not just saying that so he can score or something. He really is madly in love with you, and stop mimicking me it's true and if you could just give him one date he'll show you that" Remus said

"I'm sure he would show me a lot of things" Lily Replied

"Crap I'm late" Remus said grabbing all of his stuff

"For what there are no more classes today"

"I know I have to meet the potions teacher I had a few questions and this was the only time that he had" Remus said running out

Lily started to write her paper.

…

Lily stretch her arms above her head

"Man I'm so tired" she said grabbing her things and walking out the door.

On her way back she saw Sirius sitting on the stairs

"What's up?" Lily asked sitting next to him

"Wow is Lily Evans being nice to Sirius Black did something bad change in the world?" Sirius asked

"Shut up Sirius"

"Nope there it is" Sirius said smiling

"I just wanted to asked you something" Lily said looking nervous

"Well what is it?"

"Why won't you give Remus a chance?" Lily asked

"I don't know what you are talking about" Sirius said frowning

"Don't lie Sirius, Remus told me everything"

"Well it just won't work out" Sirius said looking at his hands

"But why won't it work out?" Lily said

"It just won't ok" Sirius said and got up

"Wait how about I make you a deal if you go on one date with Remus I'll go on a date with James"

"Ok but only if we go as a group"

"Deal" Lily said

**A/N just in case any one wanted to know it's just going to get worst **


	6. I like you okay? I know it's stupid

Remus was walking to his next class when Sirius pulled on his arm

"What" Remus said harshly

"Look I'm sorry about what I said early, and I want to try and give us a chance. Will you go on a date with me?" Sirius asked smiling

"Really sure" Remus said smiling, they started walking again

"You guys are never going to guess what Lily said to me" James said running up to them

"What?" Sirius said smiling at him

"She said YES! After 5 year she said yes" James said throwing his hands in the air

"Congratulations" Sirius said hugging him a little longer than necessary

"Cool so where are you guys going to go?" Sirius asked putting a hand on his shoulder they started walking the opposite direction of their next class.

"Wait, Sirius where are you going our class is this way" Remus asked

"We are going to celebrate" he said walking off with James

"Well that's weird" Remus said to himself

"It's all most like he's in love with James instead" He said out loud as he watched his dated walk away with his best friend.

…

Remus was leaving his history of magic class, which was the last class of the day. He still couldn't get the image of Sirius and James walking away arm in arm.

"Hi Remus" Lily said walking up to him

"So you said yes to James?"

"Yes I think that I might enjoy myself" Lily said biting her mouth

"Speaking of people saying yes, Sirius asked me out" Remus said smiling getting excited all over again

"Really, we should have a double date" Lily said walking up the stairs

"I don't know, I think if we do that then James and Sirius will just talk the whole time; and I wanted to be alone with him" Remus said following her

"Please I don't want to go on this date alone" Lily said

"You wont be alone, James will be there" Remus said smiling

"You know what I mean" Lily said they were standing outside of the corridor

"I don't know I really want to be only with him" Remus said biting his mouth

"Please I'm scared, besides you and Sirius are going to have more dates in the future" Lily looking hopeful

"Fine but only this one time" Lily through her arms around him

"Thank you so much"

"Yip" Remus said patting her head

"Lets go" Lily said and the walked through the corridor

James and Sirius were sitting on the couch talking; James noticed Lily and smiled at her. Remus and Lily walked up to them.

"We were just talking about the date" Sirius said

"Yeah and Sirius thinks we should go on a double date, but I don't think that's a good idea" James said

"I think that's a great idea" Lily said

"You do" James asked

"Yes I think that we should do it"

"I guess if you want to then sure" James said look a little disappointed. Sirius started smiling

"Great so the dates tomorrow in hogshead" Sirius said

"I'm going to go to bed" Remus said going up stairs

"Yeah me to" Lily said walking up the other stairs

…

Lily started to curl her hair 'I hope this doesn't suck'

James just got out of the shower and walked to his bed he notice that Remus was trying to wake up Sirius

"Come on Sirius I'm all ready dress, just get up" Remus pleaded James notice the saddest in his voice

"Come on Sirius get up it's rude to make your date wake you up" James said kicking is bed

"Fine" Sirius said and went into the bathroom

"Are you okay" James asked Remus as he put his shirt on

"Yah I'm fine" Remus said James watch him picked up Sirius' pillow and sign into it

"Are you sure?" James said standing over him

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm going to wait down stairs" Remus said and left the room

Sirius walked out of the bathroom rubbing the back of his

"Hurry up and get ready or we are going to leave without you" James said throwing a shirt at him and storming out.

…

James pulled a chair out for Lily

"Thank you" Lily said. James sat in the chair next to her

"Hey James when is our next practice?" Sirius asked him sitting across from him. James and Sirius started a conversation

"See I told you" Remus said to Lily

"I'm sure it's fine" Lily said

"He didn't even talk to me, besides when I ask him the questions and sometimes when I ask them he doesn't even responded"

"I'm sorry" Lily said James whispered something in her ear and she started smiling

Remus looked at Sirius, he was staring at James

"Ok I'm going to go now" Remus said getting up

"But we haven't even eaten yet" Sirius said to him

"Sure when I talk about food you listen to me" Remus said walking out. Sirius followed after him

"What's wrong?" Sirius said

"Seriously you are asking me that"

"I thought it was going great"

"Yeah for who pads James? Because that was the only person you listened to" Remus said walking away from him

"Wait Remus I'm sorry" Sirius said grabbing his hand

Remus turn around and said "Why did you even ask me out"

"Because Lily said that she would go out with James if I did"

"Oh I see, you went out with me for James"

"It's not like that James really wants to go out with her. He asked her for FIVE year. I would have gone out with anyone if she would've went out with James. You would have done the same"

Remus looked like he was about to run away but when Sirius said that last thing he turn around and screamed

"NO I WOULDN'T HAVE! You KNEW that I liked you. I TOLD YOU that I did. I wouldn't have done that to ANYONE you gave me fault hopes."

"WHAT WAS I SURPOSE TO DO, NOT LET JAMES GO OUT WITH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE" Sirius screamed back at him

"YOU WERE SURPOSE TO NOT BREAK MY HEART. That was really low even for someone like you" Remus said and started to walk off

"I'm sorry" Sirius said

Remus turn around and look at him

"You're right, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that to you and I'm sorry please forgive me" Sirius pleaded

"Are you still in love with him" Remus asked walking towards him

"What?" Sirius looked surprised

"You were staring at him the whole time" Remus said

"I guess you're right" Sirius said the realization hitting him hard

"That's what I thought" Remus said and running off. The rain started to come down hard.

…

"I guess we should go before it rains" Lily said James looked disappointed

"Yeah I guess you're right" James said they asked for the check and started to walk back

James could fill his nervous building up every step they took back to the castle, but he was going to do it anyways because he wanted to show her how much he loved her. He didn't care if she was only going to give him this one date, he didn't care that it was crazy. It was time if he didn't stop her now than he would never have chance to tell her that he was crazy about her.

"Hey um Lily can I talk to you for a Second?" James could fill his legs shaking he felt like if he didn't sit down he was going to throw up.

"Yeah sure what do you want to talk about?" Lily asked

"I need to sit down I don't fill so well" James said they walked to the closest tree. There were about a mile away from the castle close enough if he needed to run away fast, but far enough so none could hear them.

"I've wanted to tell you something for a long time now. I know that there is no way for me to say this right, because I want to say it perfectly, but I need you to know exactly how I fill about you." James took in a deep breath and took out a single red rose.

"The single red rose represents in love, I will always be unconditionally in love with you." James handed Lily the red rose and pulled out a white rose.

"The white rose means I am worthy of you. Know that I will never be worthy of you but I want to spend the rest of my life trying to be" James handed Lily the rose, than he pulled out a sunflower

"The sun flower means loyalty, if you will let me, I want to be with you for every, and in return I promise to all ways be loyal to you." James handed her the sun flower.

"Last but not least I give you this white lily which means purity, and heavenly. Because the moment I saw you I was walking on the clouds and I'm still in heaven. You are so pure you don't care what people say about you, you are one of a kind and I know that I would never be this happy with any one else. Will you be my lily?" James' voice cracked on the last word he had tears in his eyes. Lily stared back at him

"Um" was all Lily could get out before it started raining. James was still holding the lily out to her. The rain started to pour down hard, with every drop of rain that would fall on the lily a petal would fall the ground. Lily just wanted to run away the only reason she even went on this date was for Remus, and it looked like he wasn't having a good time ether.

"James I…"

**A/N: Summer semester is OVER I'm sooo happy, but fall semester is going to begin in two weeks *.* I'm sooo tried ALL the time. I need to not take summer semesters anymore it's so stress full. I just wanted to up date because I finished this semester so it's like a treat for you guys. Well to the five of you the rest don't real care. . Hope you enjoyed it!**


	7. I feel so broken up, and I give up

**A/N: Thanks for all of your support**

"I'm sorry James, but I can't" Lily said somehow it started to rain harder "I understand what you are asking so I don't want to lead you on for even a second." Lily could tell that she was hurting him, but she knew it would hurt worst if she waited, maybe even destroy him. "James I know that you love me, and understand how much you want this, maybe even need this. But I don't deserve you; I could never love you enough, not like this"

"That's okay I don't care" James said quickly

"No James I will not do that to you, you deserve someone that will give everything they are to you. I'm not in a place where I can do that, and I don't know how long it will take" James looked like he was about to cry and it was breaking her heart. She almost gave in, almost.

"It's ok" James said taking a deep breath "You know, that was pretty much what I expected so" James looked torn when he said this, tears started to fall from Lily eyes. James grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her into a hug his chin on the top of her head

"But I want you to understand Lily that there is not one second that I won't be thinking of you. From the moment I saw you I thought that I had to have you, and the more I watch you the deeper I fell in love with you until you were everything. I've tried so hard to have you, but if this is what you want, if you want me to stop. I'll stop fighting for you, because I love you, I'll let you go"

Lily started to cry "I'm sorry James"

James held her tighter "its okay you can't help what you feel"

"It would have been better if you never fell in love with me" Lily said it didn't look like the rain was ever going to a stop.

"Even if I can't have you, I am a better person because I loved you. You saved me Lily more then you'll ever know" James said there was a loud thunder making both of them jump, Lily let go of him

"Lily I love you so much I will always think of you, I will always wait for you , and I will always be yours even if you can never be mine" James kissed her forehead and Lily felt James' tears fall on her, and her heart started to break. James handed her the petaless flower and walked away. Even though he was doing so well to hide the fact that he was crying she could tell that she just broke his heart.

* * *

><p>Sirius was walking back to the castle, but stopped 'I can't go back' Sirius thought. He looked around and saw Lily and James standing by a tree. James looked like he was pouring his heart out to her, and she looked like she wanted to run away. 'She is going to break his heart' Sirius thought getting angry he was about to walk over to them when he stopped 'I can't stop her' He thought feeling helpless<p>

* * *

><p>"I HATE THIS" Remus screamed after he ran away it started to rain, then Sirius started to scream his name, but he couldn't face him each time Sirius would say his name it would tear at his broken heart because he knew that he could never have him.<p>

"ENOUGH" Remus yelled hitting a tree the only way he could get away from Sirius was to run into the forest. Remus hated that someone had this much power over him, he hated thinking of him all the time, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking about, if it was ever about him, only realizing now that he could never be thinking of him, and never would. His heart started to hurt with every pasting moment it was getting worse he waited for it to reach its maximum but it never did, the pain never stop, and it never would.

"I CANT DO THIS" Remus screamed he started throwing up everything he ate that day. When there was nothing left to throw up he started gaging and throwing up nothing it hurt so badly that ever bone in his body aced and burned it felt like his soul was ripping in two.

"WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO ME?" He screamed he wanted, no need him to like so badly, and the ripping was getting louder until it consumed him. He felt like he was in a dark hole, and there was no way out.

* * *

><p>Remus was running away from something, he couldn't remember what it was, but there was blood everywhere, it was his blood. His arm hurt so badly but he couldn't remember why. He looked down at his arm there was a hug bite there.<p>

"What the heck" he said he stopped running and he remembered again, the biggest wolf he even seen was running after him. He bit him and he was still running after him. Remus heard something behind him, and he started to run again. Whatever was running after him caught up with him and jumped on him he started to bite him again and again he didn't know if he was ever going to stop. There was so much pain he wanted it to end, not one part of his body was not in pain. He couldn't remember when he stopped or left, but he could never forget what came next. He didn't really know how to explain what happen next it felt like his soul was ripping in two. He only been burn once or twice before, but that was nothing compared to what he was filling now it felt like his entire body was on fire, and his bones aced so badly. He wanted to scream but he couldn't open his mouth. He started to hear a soft roar but it started to get louder until it felt like his ears were going to bleed. He tried to cover his ears but the sound was inside of him there was no way to cover the sound. His heart started to beat faster and faster it felt like it was going to explode but it never did.

BANG! Remus woke up from the thunder he repeatedly had the same dream over and over the past few days. He didn't remember why he started dreaming about his past.

* * *

><p>BANG! Lily suddenly woke up from the loud thunder. She hadn't slept peacefully in days every time she closed her eyes she saw his. 'If this is supposed to be the right thing then why does it hurt so badly' Lily thought to herself. She looked out the window, she always loved the rain; it washed over everything making everything fresh again. She wanted to be clean to, of all the emotions that were eating at her. Lily started to put on her shoes 'maybe the rain can wash all the bad things away to' she thought. Adrenaline rushed through her she ran down the stairs, but she couldn't get outside fast enough so she disaporated outside. When she landed on the ground she felt the rain fall on her instantly soaking her to the core. The fresh air filled her lungs and she was filled with happiness. She started to forget why she was so sad. She closed her eyes and twirl in the rain. She wanted it to rain forever continuously washing away all of her worries and regrets. She laid on the grass and waiting for the rain to stop and slowly it did. As the rain ending she remembered why she was so sad, but this time it ran deeper inside of her continuously eating at everything she was. She continued to lay there until she became more cold and empty as before. She signed and walked back to the castle to get ready for the day.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: btw if you guys review and give me feed back I'm more likely to update faster; just saying if anyone wanted to be able to read it faster or whatever.**

**P.S: I know I made a lot of grammar errors, but if any one has no idea what I'm trying to say then let me no.**

**P.S.S: You guys suck (me sticking my tough out) . **

**P.S.S.S: why don't you review more? There is no reason not to, because it takes less than 5 seconds. All you have to type is 'I liked it', 'I hated it', 'you stink', 'you the worst ever' whatever, just write something. Come on guys, girls, goblins, blue what ever you are, or choose to be, just type those three little words that are apparently really hard to type. **

**(Sign) just forget it ;( do whatever the heck you want**


	8. I'm Falling to Pieces

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to put up this chp hope you enjoy it**

James roamed the halls with a heavy heart, he knew that Lily asked him to let her go but he didn't think that he could. Everything around him reminded him of her. He would usually go talk to Remus or Sirius, but he couldn't find them, he could check the map but he wasn't sure if they wanted to talk it him because Sirius was in love with him and Remus was in love with Sirius. He didn't know how it happen but he ended up at the library door. This was where Remus spent 80 percent of his time. He decided to go in and find him anyways. And found him in the back at a table reading a book, James sat down.

"Can I talk to you" James asked

Remus put his book down "Yeah sure what do you want to talk about"

"Um… err… can we go somewhere else so no one will hear us?" James asked

"Sure" Remus said shutting his book and following James. They ended up in the Astronomy Tower

"So what's up?" Remus asked

"Lily said no again" James said looking broken

"What's different this time" Remus asked

"This time I gave her all of me" James said laying on the edge of the tower

"Prongs get down you could fall" Remus said coming to his side

"I'm already broken what's the difference?" James asked turning to look at the ground

"Please Prongs you're scaring me" Remus said trying to pull him down

"Stop it you're going to make me lose my balance" James said pushing Remus away

"James Just come down" Remus said

"Fine I'll come down" James said trying to get up, but he started to lose his balance and began to fall

"JAMES!" Remus yelled trying to grab his hand, barely missing him by an inch.

...

Lily was in the common room studying for potions test that was in two weeks.

"Hey Lily do you want to play a round of…" Ivy asked she was one of Lily's best friends they meet in first year and was friends ever sense

"No I have to study for this test" Lily said cutting her off

"You didn't even hear what I was going to say" Ivy said sitting next to her

"I need to study for my potions test."

"That's not until two weeks"

"I know but I don't really understand it completely" Lily said continually repeating the terms in her mind over and over. The true was that she was ready to take this test an hour ago, but study was a lot easer then thinking of James and how much she hurt him.

"What's going on?" Ivy asked

"Just studying why" Lily said

"You're the star student in potions, I bent if you didn't want to study you could still pull an A-minus" Ivy said thinking for a minute than continuing "Well a side from Severus"

'Severus…when was the last time I talking to him' Lily thought 'I think it's be about a month' Lily's heart started to ach to see him again. She missed the accomplishment she felt when she made him smile or laugh. She remembered wanting to know more about him wanting to always protect him; she wanted to save him from his world. She remember all those nights she couldn't sleep she would go outside by the tree, their tree; after sitting there for about 30 minus he would show up and they would talk until dawn. The memories started to surround her and close in on her, reminding her she could never have that again until it consumed her.

"I need some air" Lily said running out of the room and down the stairs

She didn't know where she was going but she wanted to run away from all the memories that were eating at her. She found herself under the astronomy tower, she started to hear voices.

"Lily said no again" James voice floated down to her

"What is different this time" someone asked him

Lily ran out 'He's everywhere' Lily starting walking down the hall ways. Willing no one to talk or look at her. She found herself in the dungeon, and went to hind under the stairs. She put her face in her hand and thought 'what is stopping me from letting James in?' the memories of Severus appeared in her head again 'Maybe because thinks ended so badly' Lily got up and started looking for Severus

...

Severus walked along the lake he was having a hard day today mostly because he couldn't stop thinking of Lily. Lily was everything to him, and every time he saw her he would die a little more inside. The only reason he stop seeing her was because somehow his mother found out that she was a mudblood. She told him that if he didn't stop seeing her, she would pull him out of school, but he knew she would do a lot more than that. He figured it was better to see her from a distance then never see her again.

The wind started to blow harder so he pulled his coat tighter against him. It has been about a month sense he last talked to her, and every day that pasted he grew colder inside. When he was little he always felt this way, growing up in the family that he did he don't know any better. He remembered all ways being alone, playing alone, and crying alone; until the day he met her. 'She was all ways so kind and nice to me; before I met her I never knew that someone could be so kind' Severus though continuing 'she was the brilliant sunlight that drove away the endless winter that I was force to repeat over and over again.'

Severus could fell that bitter cold returning he wanted so badly to see her smiling at him, laughing at him. Because even though he never told her, she was the only thing that was keeping him from falling to pieces. The worst days were summers they were long and hard because his family keep pushing him to join Tom; whenever he said no they would threaten and hurt him. Every time they did she was always there even if she didn't know it, she saved him. He tried so hard to cover up the marks they made, but somehow she would always see right through him. Every time she asked him why he didn't tell her, he would say he didn't want her to worry about him.

The thing that scared him the most was how much he thought of her, she was in everything that he did, every time he saw her he would melt inside. He wanted so badly to run away with her, but he knew that he never could because no matter how many times she said she could, she could never save him from his world. He would be a foul if he thought she could. No matter how badly he wanted it, there was always something that was going to stop them or someone was going to find them sooner or later. And he knew as soon as they found them they would kill her and bring him back.

He knew that he had to let her free to save her that was the only way, and it was killing him to think that someone else would have her. He wanted her so badly, wanted to always be the one to make her laugh, heck he wanted to have children with her. But he knew that he couldn't protect her not from everything, and he knew that if anything happen to her because of him he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

He sat down at their tree the memories of her clouded his mind making it so he didn't see her walking up to him.

"Severus" Lily said,


	9. Go away

**A/n I am sooooo embarrassed I forgot to post the chapter I'm so sorry if you were confused. Thanks Potternerd95 for pointing that out.**

"JAMES!" Remus screamed nearly falling off the tower. James prepared to fall at least seven stories, but he only fell ten feet.

"What the heck." James said

"Are you okay?" Remus asked

"Yeah I'm fine, there is some kind of invisible wall here."

"Grab my hand I'll pull you up." Remus said reaching his hand out. The full moon was in three days and Remus didn't have enough strength to pull James up instead he fell to

"Great what are we going to do now?' James asks.

…

"Severus" Lily said slowly walking forward.

"What did you want Evans." He said harshly

"I need to talk to you." She replied

"I thought I made myself clear a month ago."

"Shut up Severus I don't care what you say I know you still think about me. I can tell by the way you look at me in class. I'm not about to let us go are you?" Lily asked

….

"Man yesterday sucked." James said sitting next to Remus, Remus didn't say anything.

"I wish so bad that it never happen." James said, continuing he asked, "Is there a spell that you can go back in time?"

"Not really a spell, but a charm, it's really dangerous." Remus said

"I don't care I would do anything to forget it." James said.

"You wouldn't forget it just Lily." Remus said James thought about it for a minute, if Lily didn't remember then maybe she would say yes the next time he asked. But if she said no again he would be worst off.

"Yeah guess you are right.' They sat there in silence for five minutes.

"Hey are you going to be okay?" James asked

"Well the man I'm in love, is in love with my best friend. The full moon is in three days. I really don't want Sirius there, and I don't want you there."

"But Remus I don't like Sirius like that. I can't help what he feels."

"I know it's not really that…. I don't know what the beast will do to you guys."

"I thought you couldn't control him?" James asked.

"Exactly that's why I don't want you guys there." Remus said

"I'm confused?"

"James he feels everything I do. One of the main reasons the full moon is so hard is because he brings back everything that I tried to forget." Remus said

"Okay?" James asked

"I wouldn't be able to control myself around Sirius. I know that he will hurt him." Remus said

"Still you can't go alone." James said

"I might have to James."

…..

"No I'm not either." Severus whispered. Lily pulled him in a hug.

"I'm sorry Lily for being so cruel; I thought if I keep pushing you away you would stay away…. Lily I can't" Lily kissed Severus

"I love you Severus." Lily said pulling away.

"What about James?" Severus said. Lily started to feel sad.

"I can't help what I feel." She said

"What about…"

"Shh,,,, right now there is nothing stopping us from being together, and there is no such thing as dark magic. It's just you and me."

….

Sirius walked slowly down the stair 'how could I do that to him' he said thinking about Remus he felt bad for leading him on when he knew that he didn't want him. He wanted James. He wanted to make James happy, but now everything was worst all because of him. He had no idea what James would say if he knew that Lily only said yes because Sirius said yes to Remus. Let alone what Remus would say if he find out. 'Probable murder me.' he thought. He needed to get fresh air so he started to go to the tower. When he was there he heard people talking. He looked over the edge and saw James and Remus sitting in the air.

"What are you guys doing?"

"We just thought it would be fun to jump of the tower, but Dumbledore had to put this wall here." Remus said rolling his eyes.

"Just pull us up." James said standing up. Sirius pulled James up and reached for Remus' hand

"If it's okay with you Sirius I want James to pull me up. I don't really trust you"

"Fine," Sirius said looking hurt. James pulled Remus back up on the tower.

"Remus I'm sorry.' Sirius said

"I don't what to hear it." Remus said walking away

"Don't worry he'll come around." James said

"I doubt it" Sirius his heart sink lower than before

**A/n The next chapter might be different from what you read so if I was you I would read it again.**


	10. Forget us Not

James walked slowly down the halls. His ears bled from all the screaming they just witness. Remus and Sirius were at each other's throats. Every time they enter the same room they would get into a fist fight. He had no idea how they were going to make up. Even though they fought James could tell that they still loved each other.

Not only were his ears bleeding his eyes were red because of all the crying. He felt like he didn't know who he was any more. No matter how hard he tried to let go of her he couldn't, and he didn't want to. How could he? For the past for the past 5 years every time he did something he did it for her. She is everything. Without her he felt like a ghost, a shell of his old self. The hardest part was letting the loneliness in. knowing they could never be together. He wanted her. He couldn't have her.

He saw someone walking towards him. He didn't want anyone to see him so he hind into the closest closet.

"Come on bab… just let me." He heard a guy say

"No." a girl yelled. He heard someone get pushed up against the wall

"GET OFF." A girl screamed

"Shut up …."

"I said no bab." A girl said calmly

"I know bab and I respected that."

He waited for them to leave before he opened the closet.

"What just happened?" He asked himself. 'Maybe Remus knows what happen.' He headed back to the common room, and found Remus sitting on the couch reading a book.

"Hey can I ask you something."

"Is it about Sirius?" He face looked sour when he said his name.

"No it's not."

"Okay sure what do you need?" James explained what happen

"Oh my heck I know what spell he used. I just can't remember how to casted it."

"Isn't it like any other spell?"

"No it's two spells in one. Whoever casted it must have been a 7th year, those are really hard to cast. I've only been able to do it once."

Sirius walked into the room and the tension built up. He made a b-line to James and said

"Can I talk to you?" James sign and said

"What do you need?" before Sirius could say anything Remus said

"Um excuse me I know it's hard for someone like you to think about anyone but themselves, but he was talking to me first." Remus was now standing

"Why would he want to talk to a monster like you." The blow hit Remus hard. Sirius looked like he was sorry. Remus jumped on Sirius and started hitting him, but Sirius didn't stop him. James grabbed Remus' waist and pulled him off of Sirius.

"You're a jerk." Remus yelled Sirius' lip was bleeding; he had a scary look in his eyes.

"At least I never killed anyone." Remus jumped out of James' arms and started beating Sirius again. This time Sirius fought back. James tried to pull Remus off, but he couldn't so he grabbed Sirius instead. Sirius let him pull him off of Remus. He turned around and looked at James and said

"I knew you would choose me over him." Sirius put his arms around his neck and kissed him hard. After a few seconds James tried to push him off, but Sirius just held on tighter. Sirius put his tough into his mouth. James bit it as hard as he could.

Sirius pulled back and said "Oh you like to play."

"Sirius get off."

"Are you sure?" Sirius whispered in his ear.

"Get off before I hit you." Sirius let him go and James left to find Remus.

He found Remus outside the common room on the steps "Hey are you okay."

"Sirius is a jerk." James could tell that Remus wasn't only hurt by what Sirius said but by what Sirius did to James. No matter how many fights Remus and Sirius had Remus was still in love with him.

"Hey look I'm sorry." James tried to put his arm on his shoulder but Remus shrugged it off.

"I'm sorry James I can't be around you right now."

"Can you at least show me what book that spell is in?"

"Fine let's go."

...

James' back hurt because he was hunched over for at least an hour trying to find the spell. The library was quitter then usually because it was close. James stood up and stretched, his back popped back in place. He was about to go to bed when something caught his eye. He read.

_ Using similitude will cause severe damage to your victim memoires however by saying Dis-similitude it's least severe. Victim may only forget days or weeks. However it is impossible to erase all ties that the victim may have to the memoir. Often they will remember in a couple of weeks maybe a few month's only one wizard was able to erase a victims memories for more than a year. When casting the spell, caster must be very detailed, often impossible to cast if the caster wasn't there. The most anyone has been able to erase was a month…._

"This spell sounds really hard" James said to himself. He started to remember all of the fights Remus and Sirius had and how impossible it seem that they were going to make up.

He decided if someone in his class could do it then he could. He stayed at the library for an hour thinking about what exactly he was going to easer. He thought about erasing the date he had with Lily, but he didn't think he would be able to go through it again, if he started to remember. He went back to the common room, and walked to his room. He didn't think he would be able to cast the spell more than once so he put Remus in Sirius' bed and started to cast it. It took him 20 minutes to cast the spell the hardest part was not letting his mind wonder. When he was done he tried to move Remus back to his on his bed, but he could barely move he crawling into Remus' bed. '_No more fighting, tomorrow is going to be a wonderful day' _James thought before falling into a dreamless sleep.

...

James woke up to Remus and Sirius yelling at each other.

"Remus just go away." Remus through a pillow at him, but Sirius ducked and closed the bathroom door.

"Why are you fighting with him?" James asked cautiously

"I don't know I'm just really man at him right now it will pass over."

"Is it that time of month again?" James asked smiling

"Yes full moon is tomorrow.'

"Dang that sucks."

Sirius walked out of the bathroom and said "Hey sorry about this morning I know today is going to be a hard day for you, because of the full moon."

"That's okay" Remus said coldly.

"What did I do?" Sirius asked putting his hands in the air.

"It's not you I'm just a bit moody." Remus said walking out the door.

"That's okay." Sirius yelled after him.

"The weird think is I feel like I did something wrong, and I really want him to forgive me, but I can't remember why."

"That is weird." James said nervously

"It's probably nothing let's go eat." Sirius said leaving the room. James slowly followed Sirius to the great hall. They walked up to Remus who looked like he was going to throw up. Sirius sat next Remus and put his hand on his back.

"Do you want me to get you some pain killers?" Remus just shook his head.

"Let me know if I can get you anything." Sirius said and started to get his food.

"Hey James I only have one class today do you want to practice quiddtich after lunch?"

"Not really." Sirius stopped eating and reached a crossed the table and put his hand on his forehead.

"Are you okay James what is going on?"

"Nothing I'm fine." James said. Sirius looked at Remus than back at James

"It's Lily isn't it?" James' eyes started to water

"Are you crying" Sirius whispered.

"No a spider just flue in my eye…Yes of course I'm crying." James said and rubbed his eye.

"What did she do to you?"

"Sirius I don't want to talk about it."

"Where is Lily, she is in big trouble.' Sirius started to stand up, but James grabbed his arm.

"Please Sirius I can't see her right now."

...


	11. 48 hours

Remus and Lily were studying in the common room. It was just after 9 o'clock, they had a plate of cookies so they wouldn't fall asleep Remus signed and grabbed a cookie.

Lily put her book down and said "Am sorry about what happen. I really shouldn't have said yes to James it just made everything worst." Remus swallowed his cookie and said

"What are you talking about?"

"We went on a double date." Lily looked confused

"I went on a double date with whom?" Remus asked

"Me and James and you…"

"Wait you said yes to James… James Potter?" Remus looked confused

"Remus you were there."

"So I went on a double date with you and James."

"Yes"

"Yes? And I went with…?" Remus asked

"Sirius, you went with Sirius."

"Nope I think I would have remembered that."

James and Sirius walked into the room. When James saw Lily he said "I'm really tried I'm going to bed."

"I'm going to finish this up stair." Lily said

Sirius walked up to Remus and said "Did I miss something."

"I'm going to bed." Remus said grabbing his books and started to go up stairs

"What did I do?" Sirius asked.

…

Remus was walking down stairs on his way to the great hall. It was early in the morning and Remus wanting to get a head start on the day. He was on his way to sit down when he smelled something sweet. It was a cinnamon

_Will you go out with me? Yes…..If you still love James why did you ask me?...I heard about a spell…._

'James erased… why did he…' Remus headed back to find James. He found him and Sirius still in bed.

"JAMES how dare you take away my memories… You had NO RIGHT."

"What is he talking about?" Sirius looked surprised

"I tried to erase a memory/" James said backing up.

"What memoir?" Sirius asked

"Tell him what you took from us.'

"I took away the worst day of your life."

"Why? Why did you think you had the right?" Remus asked

"You want to know why. Lily just took my heart. I needed someone to be there. You to were too busy to even noticed."

"Will someone please tell me what is going on?" Sirius asked

"James erase our memories."

"I know this part."

"We went on a date you blow me off because you wanted James." Sirius looked shocked

"I did that to you."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry I didn't…"

"Sirius shut up I'm yelling at James right now."

"Remus I needed you, but you were too hurt by Sirius to care."

"Of course I care, and I tried to help you. Every time I look at you I'm remind off what he did to me."

"I thought it would have been easier for both of us if we just forgot."

"How long did you think we would forget?"

"Remus calm down." Sirius said putting is hand on Remus shoulder.

Remus backed away from Sirius and said, "Don't you dare touch me. Sirius this is all your fault Lily told me what you did."

"What are you talking about?'

"Lily only said yes because you convinced her to." Everything started to come back to Sirius, only he wasn't in love with James. In the 18 hours he forgot about James he fell for Remus.

"What, why would you do that?" James asked

"James you really wanted to go out with her.'

"Do you know how bad she hurt me?"

"It would have been harder for you later I did you favor.'

"Sirius go away." James said pushing him out of the room. Sirius wanted to blow of some stem. So he went for a walk

…

"I hate him." Severus said. He was still trying to recover from the prank Sirius pulled on him two days ago. It was his turn now. He was going to be pulling the prank this time. He was patrolling the halls when he heard someone coming. He wanted to get them in trouble so he hid. After a few minutes he saw Sirius coming.

'This is my chances, but what should I do' he thought to himself. Severus remembered a potion that he brewed a few days ago. He took out his wand and said "Accio-potion."

After five minutes the potion came to him. He took it and ran to find Sirius

…

"Look Remus I'm sorry I wanted you guys to stop fighting."

"I know."

"How did you find out anyways?"

"Lily told me, but you didn't finish the spell."

"What do you mean?" James asked

"You forgot to erase our emotions toward each other." Remus said sitting on his bed.

"Oh how long did you think it would have lasted?"

"Well I remembered because I smelled a cinnamon roll. That's what I remembered smelling when we were about to eat."

"How would I know what you smelled?" James asked

"James you wouldn't know, but I'm not going to tell you how to finish the spell."

"Fine" James turned off the light and went in his bed.

…

Sirius started to head back when he heard someone behind him he turned around and saw Severus. He was about to say something bet Severus stud him.

…

Severus took the potion out of his pocket and read the label '_after drinking user has 48 hours to get someone pregnant. Warning may cause hornyness' _Severus put Sirius head up and forced him to drink it.

…

Sirius woke up in the middle of the hall, '_what the ….' _ He headed back to the common room and went to sleep.


	12. Good Night Moon

Remus woke up in the middle of the night. He could hardly breathe because something was on him. He opened his eyes and saw Sirius.

"GET OFF ME?" he started to push him off, but Sirius wouldn't let him.

"Sirius?"

"Shhhh… sleepily time."

"Ahhhhh…" Remus screamed. Sirius jumped up

"What's going on?"

"Go away." Remus said turning away from him. Trying to go back to sleep. Remus felt Sirius lay back on his bed. He turned and looked at Sirius.

"What are doing?"

"I love you Remus."

"Sirius what are you doing?"

"I've been trying way too long to try and be the perfect someone. You'll all that I think about, all that I dream about."

"Sirius it's only been 18 hours."

"It's been 7 tortures' years; I love you I just needed to forget."

"Sirius I don't know what to say… I don't"

"Its okay Remus don't say anything." Sirius pulled Remus closer and kissed his forehead.

"**I want you."** Remus didn't dare say anything he knew he was going to regret this, but he also knew that he wanted this.

"I know its way too early for us to do anything, but I want this right to been an exception." Remus couldn't say anything. He has wanted this for a long time now. He wanted so bad to give in.

"Sirius I…"

* * *

><p>Sirius woke up in Remus' bed. He was still holding Remus. Today was the full moon and he wanted to be there fir him. No matter what he had to do. He started to get ready for the day. Nothing happen last night, but then again it would have been a miracle if something did. He wished that he could take back what he did to him.<p>

"Sirius?" Remus asked Sirius turned around and looked at Remus. He looked so so sick,

"Yeah?"

"I feel sick."

"I know… are you just going to stay in bed all day?"

"No we have a test next week and the review is today." Remus sat up and started to stretch. Sirius sat next to him.

"But maybe I'll sleep for another hour first." Remus said laying back down. Sirius started to blush for some reason he couldn't control his thoughts today. Sirius was aware of every move Remus made.

"I'll stay with you." Sirius said laying next to him

"No you need to go to class."

"No I don't not really." Sirius looked over at Remus. He wanted him so bad he didn't know what to do. He lend over and kissed his cheek when Remus didn't protest. He rolled over on top of him and got on his hands and knees. He lend down and kissed him and kissed him again, and again , and again. Things started to heat up when they did Remus said "Wait what are we doing?"

"Do you want me to explain how it works?"Sirius whispered in his ear.

"No I understand... It's just do we really want to do this?" Remus asked. Sirius started to unbutton Remus' shirt

"Of course we do, I love you and you love me what's not to get?" Sirius asked his neck.

"Yeah but didn't you hurt me or something?" Remus asked

"Shh… let's not talk about that the main thing is that I don't like James anymore like that… okay" Sirius said taking off his shirt

"But I don't know." Remus said, Sirius put his finger on Remus' mouth and said

"Shh… no but it's just you and me now and forever." Sirius started kissing him again.

* * *

><p>James was in his second class for the day. He had no clue where Remus and Sirius were, but from the looks of this morning things were going good. James was relieved that Sirius wad no longer into him. He knew that only heart break would come of it. Lily was still always on his mind, and in everything he did. He had no idea what he was going to do. All he knew was that he was never going to give up. Would never stop. At least until she got married to someone else. The class was finally over and it was time for lunch. When he got to the great hall Sirius and Remus were all ready there, but there was something different about them. For the first time this school year they were both happy at the same time.<p>

"What happen to the two of you?" James asked sitting down

"We made up." Sirius said

"It looks like you did more than that." James said with his eye brow raised.

"Yeah … now all we need to do is make Lily fall for you." Remus said

"I know the perfect spell." Sirius said

"No way… I'm done casting spells for a long time." James said

* * *

><p>Remus was in the library with Lily. They were studying for a test that was tomorrow of course Remus wouldn't have to take it until next week. Lily put down her book and said<p>

"I'm sick of studying"

"Yeah me too I have to leave to see my grandma in three hours."

"How is she?

"The same as always."

"So how is James?"

"Broken his really wants you Lily."

"I don't love him."

"Yeah but couldn't you just give him a chances?"

"I gave him a chance and it destroyed him."

"That wasn't a chance.. A chance is letting him sweep you off your feet. Not having friends go with you."

"Maybe you're right Remus, but I'm in live with someone else"

"Seriously you still like Severus?"

"He is just misunderstood."

"Oh really and the dark magic doesn't bother you.'

"Of course it bothers me, but he promised me that he wouldn't do any dark magic. Unless his family forced him."

"You're crazy Lily if you really end up with him then you will ether die or be running all your life. It that really something you want to do?"

"I…" Lily said the true is that is what she was wondering about to but even thought she didn't know what she was going to do she still love Severus. Sirius walked in the room and walk up to Remus

"It's time to go now." Sirius said holding out his hand. Remus took it and stood up

"See you later Lily." Remus tried to pull his hand out of Sirius, but Sirius wouldn't let his

"You're mine, and I want everyone to know." Sirius whispered in his ear. Sirius pulled him out of the library and they head to the common room to meet James.

* * *

><p>It was five in the morning James and Sirius had just turned back into their human form. For some reason Peter wasn't there anymore they didn't know where he was these days<p>

"Sirius picked up Remus." Remus was still asleep

"Okay…I'm surprised that this time went …so well." Sirius said

"You two had sex didn't you?" Sirius blushed

"So?"

"So now the monster doesn't see you as a threat anymore."

"But I wasn't in my human."

"What's your point?" James asked

"Never mind let's just head back." Sirius said leaving with Remus in his arms.


	13. 3 Months Later

Remus was wondering in the woods. He didn't know where he was going but something was pulling him. He moved some bushes and found a baby. The baby looked familiar to him. He remembered thinking it must have been him when he was a baby, because it looked so much like him. However the more he looked at it the more he saw someone else. He was about to pick up the baby, but then he woke up. He sat up and rubbed his eyes

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked rubbing his back

"I had that dream again." Remus said.

"The one about the baby?" Sirius asked sitting up and putting his arms around him.

"I don't understand. I feel like I know the baby."

"Maybe it's a bother or a cousin." Sirius said

"No it can't be. I would remember.'

"Well I'm going back to bed." Sirius said lying down. Remus stomach growled

"I'm starving I'm going to eat."

"Are you not eating dinner?" Sirius asked looking up at him.

"No I've just been really hungry lately."

"K.". Remus looked down at Sirius

"Can you come with me?" Remus asked

"Fine" Sirius said and sat up. Remus stood up and stretched. Sirius poked him in the stomach and said

"You're getting fat."

"Shut up." Remus said protecting his stomach

"I'm not saying its bad thing. At least now you don't look sick all the time."

"I feel sick all the time."

"You do?" Sirius asked opening the kitchen door

"Only if I don't eat like every 3 hours"

"Weird I never heard of that do you think you have a stomach flu or something." Sirius asked pulled out the bread and peanut butter.

"Like what?" Remus asked grabbing the milk

"I don't know I'm not a doctor, but maybe you should get it checked out."

"Maybe your right I'll get it check out in like a week if I still feel weird."

"K" Sirius said making both of them a peanut butter sand which.

* * *

><p>Severus was done patrolling the halls. He headed to the potions room, he and Lily were closer than ever, but his parents found out about them. So he had to give her a better future. He just had to give her true love. A few months ago the potions class was brewing a love potion. He finished early so he did some reading and he found a true love potion. It was the hardest potion he ever put together. It took him two months to finish, and every three hours he had to tend to it. He hardly got any sleep, but it was worth it, anything was worth it for Lily to be happy. The potion would take another day and he would have to tend to it every hour, and the last hour every five minutes. So he wanted to move it to his room, and take a day off of school. The potion says after you drink the potion when you see your true love. 7 hours later you will switch bodies' with them.<p>

* * *

><p>"Holy cow Remus you eat a lot." Sirius said they were on their way back to the common room.<p>

"A guy got's to eat"

"You call that eating you were inhaling the food." Sirius said laughing

"Are you eating for two?" Sirius asked. Remus stopped Sirius and said

"Maybe." And continued to walk

"What does that mean?"

"Look I don't understand my body, because of what I am… I've learned not to question it."

"…" Sirius continued to walk back to the common room

* * *

><p>Severus stirred the potion one last time he felt like he was going to past out do to the lack of sleep. He didn't dare take a nap because he knew he would stay sleep the next time it was time to stir the potion. He put the potion in the veil and went to sleep.<p>

* * *

><p>"I love you.' Sirius whispered in Remus' ear. They were in the halls waiting for the next class.<p>

"Sirius someone will see us." Remus said trying to get out of his embrace.

"There is something about you. I fall more and more in love with you every day," Sirius said pushing him against the wall. Remus looked at Sirius' lips and Sirius knew what he wanted. Sirius slowly kissed Remus. Remus pulled him closer. Sirius pushed his hips on Remus really hard. The he noticed something. Sirius knelt down in front of him about half a foot away from his navel

"Sirius what are you doing?" Sirius lifting up Remus' shirt

"Sirius I'm serious this is not the place for that."

"Really Remus? I'm not an idiot… I thought I felt something." Sirius said rubbing his belly trying to find the thing he felt moments ago.

"Fine you want to know my secret?" Remus asked, Sirius looked at Remus intensely bracing himself for something big.

"I'm gaining weight… I tried to stop eating so much, but I can't help it."

"Not don't try to lose any weight you never know when your body will start losing weight." Sirius said Sirius was still staring and rubbing Remus' belly.

"Are you done?" Remus asked

"I guess, unless you need me to do anything else down here." Sirius said smiling up at him.

"Stop it." Remus said pushing his hand playfully away.

* * *

><p>Remus found the baby in the woods again. When he picked up the baby it turned into a half baby half monster. The baby had long sharp claws pointy ears and red eyes, but the thing that haunted him the most was the baby was still smiling…<p>

Remus woke up felling nauseous he ran to the bathroom and throw up. His stomach pleaded for food, but I knew that if he ate he would just throw up again. He decided first thing tomorrow he would go to the nurse, and find out what's wrong with him. Why he's having all these baby dreams, and how he was gaining so much weight. When before he was lucky if he gain 5 lbs in 2 months, but in two months he has gain 20bls.

**A/N: Hey sorry it took so long to post this last chapter. School just started and I've be busying doing homework. I'll try to have the next one in a week and a half. It helps if you remember me.**


	14. Dreams and Disasters

Remus walked slowly to the hospital wing. Remus was up all night throwing up. So he decided it was time to see Madame Pomfrey. He didn't dare eat breakfast, his body hurt so badly from throwing up and he was sick of it.

"Wow I didn't think I'd see you until another two weeks... it's not the full moon yet is it?" Madame Pomfrey asked

"No it's not, I just feel really sick."

"When did you start filling sick?" She asked

"I'm not sure, but I started filling weird about two months ago."

"TWO MONTHS AGO!… So all those times after to full moon when I asked you if you were okay, you were lying?" Pomfrey asked scolding him.

"The wounds I got from the full moon were healed."

"It doesn't matter if you didn't get sick from the full moon. When I ask you how you are feeling then I expect you to tell me the true. What if it was serious, by not telling me you are putting you and everyone at school in danger. What if it's contagions and the whole school gets sick. Remus I don't have enough spells and potions to heal 1000 people do you?" Pomfrey got madder by the second.

"No I don't… I'm sorry I'll tell you next time." Remus said looking at his hands.

"Ok so tell me what the symptoms are." Pomfrey folded her hands.

"I started eating a lot more and sometimes I wake up filling really sore."

"Anything else?" She said raising an eye brow.

"The last couple of weeks I started to throw up every now and then. Until recently it got worst I was throwing up everything I ate."

"Stay here for the rest of the day and I'll see if I can't find a food that will stay down."

* * *

><p>Sirius rolled over in his bed he noticed that Remus wasn't there. He put his hands over his head and stretched. His stomach started to growl, and he started to get ready. Sirius notice James was still a sleep. So he attempted to wake him up.<p>

"James... James wake up." Sirius started shaking him awake.

"AHHH BLACK WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?" James yelled pulling the blanket over his chest

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked confused

"Why are you in my room?" James asked sitting up

"Dude we have shared a room for 6 years now." Sirius said

"BLACK GET OUT." James said

"No James."

"James?... What are you.." James asking moving his hands up and down his body.

"What's going on?" James asked

"That's what I want to know." Sirius asked

"I have to go find me... er I mean Lily." James said standing up and moving towards the door.

"This is because of Evans?... Look James I know it's hard but you can't see her. She's just going break you again."

"Sirius I didn't have a choice."

"What are you talking about?"

"What I mean to say is maybe she didn't have a choice maybe there's a good reason."

"What are you talking about?... she broken your heart. You haven't sleep for weeks. You just started to get over her and now you're telling me that maybe she had a good reason? What is wrong with you?"

"Sirius I'm …" James said and signed.

Sirius walked closer to James and said "Look I know you're hurting inside. You don't have to hind from me. I know you James. I know you want to see her but she'll only hurt you more." Sirius said hugging him

"You're right, but I need to get ready so I'll meet you down stair." James said moving away from him.

* * *

><p>"Lily wake up it's time to eat breakfast." Hannah said shaking her awake.<p>

"Sirius what did I say about talking about Lily?"

"Sirius?...why are you talking about Black? Don't you hate him, just the other day you were telling me how immature he is."

"What the…" Lily said running her hands up and down her body

"What's going on with you?" Hannah asked.

"Give me a minute." Lily said running into the bathroom. Lily looked in the mirror

"What the… how did I turn into Lily?" James asked himself freaking out. He dreamed about Lily's body for years, but not like this. Not right after she ripped out his heart. Not after hating him so badly. He hating it so much, he wanted so badly to forget about her; not become her it was like fate was taunting him. It was driving him crazy

"Wait a minute if I'm in Lily's body then Lily must be in mine." James started to get ready for the day. Blushing deeply and keeping his eyes close. He didn't want to see her specially this way.

* * *

><p>Remus was in the middle of his charms homework when a group of girls walked in<p>

"I'm so sick of being sick." One of them said

"We'll come back at lunch." They told her.

"Hey I'm Shara do you care if I lay here." A short girl with long blonde hair said.

"Not at all" Remus said

"My morning sickness is acting up again."

"That sucks." Remus said

"So what are you in for?" Shara asked

"I think I have stomach flu."

"Dang that sucks how long have you had it."

"About a couple of weeks or a month." Remus said

"What about you?"

"Pregnant… it's weird, I throw up everything I eat but I still gained like ten pounds." Shara said

"Me to…"Remus said looking confused

"Really that's not the stomach flu… it sounds like…" Shara said looking weird

"Like what?" Remus asked

"Forget it it's not possible."

"No tell me what it is. I've been fighting it for weeks now. If you know what it is then I have to know." Remus said

"I know it sounds crazy but it sounds like you're pregnant."

"What… is that possible?" Remus asked

"I don't know but if it is then whoever did this must have used a potion or a spelled." Shara said

"Would you excuse me I have to go talk to someone?" Remus asked standing up.

"Ok."

"Can you do me one more favorer and not tell anyone about this? At least until I know what's going on?"

"Yeah okay I won't tell anyone." Shara said. Remus left and head to the library. He knew Madame Pomfrey was going to be furious at him, but he had to know if he really was the p word. Also before he accused Sirius of something he wanted to make sure it was possible

* * *

><p>James was walking down the halls he never felt so weird in his life. He pulled his skirt down again it felt like he was just wearing a towel; a really small towel. He saw his real body heading towards him.<p>

"James I need to talk to you." He heard himself say

"Lily what is going on why am I in your body?"

"James you're the one that did this to me… change me back NOW." Lily said getting mad

"No I'm not Lily I don't even want you anymore. Besides you made it very clear that nothing could happen."

"Wait if you didn't do it then who did?" Lily asked

"If I knew I would be talking to you right now. I would be yelling at them to fix it."

"The only way we can fix this is if we find out what it was. Like a spell or a potion."

"What happens after that?" James asked

"We find out how to remove the curse."

"But what if we can't find out what they used?" James asked

"Then we'll have to do it the old fashion way… break it."

"How?"

"We'll have to do whatever the caster wanted us to do."

"How do we know what they want?"

"We don't." Lily said

**A/N: Now that school has started I'll try to post at least two a month. One at the begain and one at the end. Feed back is always welcome let me know if you dont like where I'm taking the story. So I can tell you to suck it . **


	15. Baby Are You Kicking Daddy?

Baby Are You Kicking Daddy?

Remus walked out of the library with tears in his eyes. The last time he cried was when he was first bitten and he was going through his first change. I guess I am going through a change he thought. It took him 2 hours after he found the right book, but he was able to find out. He wanted to understand why Sirius would do this to him, I mean sure Sirius could be a good dad but not now, not when the only thing Sirius worried about was his hair and if we understood why he pulled his latest prank.

Remus found Lily on his search for Sirius.

"Remus are you okay you look sick… did you go to the hospital like you said you were going to?" James asked. He wanted so badly to kill the person that forced him into wearing this skirt.

"Yah I just came from there." Remus search around for Sirius.

"Who are you looking for?"

"Sirius… I have to ask him a question." Remus said looking back at Lily/James.

"You look like you want to kill him…. What did he do this time?" James asked.

"Is there a place where we can talk?" Remus asked

"Yeah let's go down by the lake." James said. They walked to the lake and Remus told James that he was pregnant.

"Is that even possible?" James asked

"Yeah I looked it up… now that I know… everything makes sense. Why I'm throwing up and still gaining weight and why I'm having weird dream." Remus said

"Oh yeah Sirius told me about the dreams" James said Remus looked at him weird and said

"Why are you talking to Sirius… don't you hate him..?" Remus asked

"Why what did he do?... oh yeah I'm really James for some reason Lily stole my body… bet she's having a lot of fun making me look like a foul." James whispered that last part under his breath.

"James I really think that she will come around…" Remus said sadly

"Let's not talk about her…" James said

"Okay… so how do you like your knew body?" Remus asked James gave him a weird look.

"OK look I'm sorry but it's hard not to talk about her, when your whole life is her… literally her now." Remus said

"I know it's just so hard… I fill so lost without her… and broken when I'm with her… I just don't know what to do." James said pushing back the tears

"Hey maybe you can do the same spell you did on me and Sirius to make us forget." Remus said trying to cheer him up.

"She runs to my core… if I did that… I would lose myself … WHY?!" James screamed out

"Why did I let her get so close?" James asked

"I think you lost your self in the dream on what could have been… "Remus said.

"But why does it hurt soo much?" James asked holding his heart

"I thought when someone breaks your heart then it's just a emotional thing ….not a physical thing… but Remus I can hear it… every time I look at her… every time I hear her name my heart breaks…she's everywhere …she's everything…"James said.

"I need her… I can't …. I need…"James got up and ran to the castle. On his way back to the dorms him found Sirius.

"Sirius I need to talk to you." James/Lily's body said pulling him in a empty room.

"What do you want evens" Sirius asked folding his arms.

"Remus' is pregnant." James said Sirius looked like he was hit by a bus

"How?... is that even possible?" Sirius asked looking like the life was drained out of him.

"He told me that he looked it up in a book… and he said that it explains a lot of things." James said

"I got to go find him." Sirius ran out before James could tell him where Remus was. Let alone who he really was.

Lily was studying in James' room, she tried going into her room but the stairs wouldn't let her. At least that tells her something about the spell/curse/potion. It smelled like they were hiding cheese somewhere, and it was driving her insane. She couldn't think, so she go up and stretched, _wow I really need a shower _she started to blush but she knew she was going to have to get this over with sooner are later and later was not an option. She started to go through James' things looking for clean cloths; when something caught her eye. She picked up a black note book and ran her finger down that spin. The book opened to a blink page. _Is this what I think it is _she thought wondering if it was his diary or something,she opened the first page.

_Last night I had another dream about Lily. It was hard not to think about it when I saw her today. I wonder if she even notices me. Her hair reminds me of a fierce dragon, and when I'm with her then she'll protect me._

_ Today Sirius told me about his mom. It was really hard for him and he almost cried. I told him that if he wants then he can come live with me, after I said that then he did start crying. I saw Lily today she waved at me, but when I waved back then she looked at me weird. I looked behind me and saw Snape. _

_ Last night I had a dream that Lily and I got married, and had a little girl. I was sooo happy that I didn't want to wake up. But Remus poured water on me. Remus has been acting a little weird lately, it seems like once a month then his aunt gets sick, and last month he just said he was going somewhere. I don't know where he goes but afterwards then he's always sick and hurt. Me and Sirius think his mom is hurting him, but every time we ask him he just gets made and says that his mom doesn't hurt him._

_ Today I wrote Lily a poem but I was too scared to give it to her but here it is._

_Often times in memory there is a tendency to over romanticize the people we care about. _

_The rest sounds really cheesy and Sirius said that girls hate that. _

_ Today I asked Lily out she said no but Sirius says that she is just playing hard to get and girls like it when you chase them. So I'm going to never give….._

"James" Sirius said walking into the room I jump about a foot in the air.

"Don't worry I don't have any guns… promise." He said holding his hands up.

"What?" Lily asked 'when did he hear about guns'

"Remember when Remus was explaining that humans are scared of guns. I told him that it's silly to be scared of a piece of melt and he told me. It's silly to be scared of a piece of wood." Sirius said rambling. It looked like he was going to tell me something.

"What is it?" Lily asked

"WHAT is there something on my face?" He asked moving his hands up and down his face.

"You look like you want to tell me something" Lily was surprised that she was asking him, but she figured that James would.

Sirius sat next to James and laid his head in James' lap. "I never could foul you." He said. Five minutes past and no one said anything. Lily was about to move when Sirius started talking.

"Remus said that he's pregnant."

"Is that even possible?" Lily asked

"That's what I asked but he said that he looked it up in some book and it's possible." Sirius said breathing deeply.

"How do you fill about it?" Lily asked

"I love him to death, and I want what he wants." Sirius said

"But what about the baby… Do you want to keep it?" Lily asked

Sirius shot up and looked offended "Of course I want it. It's that best thing we ever did."

"But what about Remus?" Lily asked. Sirius rested his shoulder on her, and with James' body then it wasn't as awards as she thought it would be.

"James didn't say anything but I know him he thinks if it has his DNA something will be wrong with it. Like it will be a monster."

"That's silly" Lily said

"I know I told that but he doesn't believe me. I think He'll want to get rid of the baby," Sirius said

"Are you okay"

"I don't know… I feel like he's trying to get rid of me. Like I'm not good enough to be a dad. And it's not fair that he doesn't want it." Sirius' eyes started to water.

"Sirius Remus is scared, his whole life he has been afraid that people will hate him, whether because he is gay or because he's a wolf. Before he met you guys he didn't know that he was loveable. And now he has a little thing inside of him that will love him no matter what. That will depend on him, and that could die because of him. He doesn't think he's worth it. He doesn't think that he could love." Lily said remembering all the times she and Remus were talking in the library.

"But he can… I know he can."

"I know that… but it's your job to show him that he can,.. That he is worth it…. Because this baby could save him." Lily said Sirius got up and walked to the door.

"Hey what did you mean when you said… before you guys met him?"

"Oh nothing" Lily said getting nervous.

"Okay I'm going to go find him." Sirius said leaving the room.

"That was close." Lily said putting the note book back and grabbing a towel. Lily got ready for the most awkward 10 minutes of her life.

…

Sirius found Remus lying by the lake.

"Remus can I talk to you?" Sirius asked. He notice Remus' baby bump and the love for that baby went throughout his entire body.

"What is it Sirius?" Remus asked making room for him. Sirius sat behind Remus and put him on his lap.

"Remus I love you, and when I found out that you were pregnant then my love for you grew. I thought wow I can't wait to see what habits it will pick up. I wonder if it will get that look that you get when you are studying or how it will laugh. I never knew I could have more of you. You are so prefect to me." Sirius said Remus turn around and said

"But I can't do this; I can never be good enough."

"Remus you are already good enough… heck your better than me. You're the one that thinks before they act, I can tell that you love our baby."

"But..."

"Remus you are not alone."

"I can't….. I don't want it…. I" Remus stared to say… then he started crying.

"What…. what is it?" Sirius started to panic

"It's kicking me" Remus whispered all of his doubts and fears dim and the love was over whelming.

Sirius put his hand on his stomach and said "Baby are you kicking daddy? Um … I don't feel it"

"It's still kicking." Remus cried. Sirius held him until it got dark. And with many protest he carried him into the dorm.

"Sirius put me down I don't want anyone to see us." Remus said, Sirius put him down and said

"Why not?" Sirius said stepping closer to him. Remus' back hit the wall.

"Why are you afraid Remus?" Remus was speechless.

"I love you" Sirius whispered lending on him. Sirius started to lend in and Remus said

"Oh did you know that Lily and James switch bodies?" Remus tried to get away

"Why did they?" Sirius asked Remus' throat. Remus shivered

"It wasn't on…" Sirius cut him off. Remus tried to explain what happen but every time he started talking Sirius would kiss him again.

"And then James/Lily's body said." Remus tries to get out

"Remus you're so beautiful. I hope our baby has your eyes" Sirius said kissing his eyes

"And nose" kissing his nose

"But I get your mouth." Sirius said kissing his mouth

"Are you saying that you want the baby to have your mouth?" Remus asked

"You're right your mouth is fuller then mine." Sirius said.

Sneak preview on next chapter called "Please Let Go of My Heart Lily"

_Often times in memory there is a tendency to over romanticize the people we care about. I know this and in spite of the fact the true remains she was my spring. Yes…. Because father said I had become the first snow in the dark secret world of magic. _

_But she was the fresh vibrate spring full of life and light. It seems almost inevitable now the way we were drawn towards each other it was the beginning of a beautiful dream. And for the first time in my life I felt as though I've been allowed something as though I have been saved from something.__I could not stop the tears they were the frozen snow melted by the first warm breathe of spring. I lost myself in the dream and I laughed as never before as though years of happiness have been compress into each and every moment we shared. Our __love was a fragile flower opening to the warmth of spring_

Lily couldn't read any more. She never knew how much James loved her. How much she hurt him. And now that he was trying to let go she wanted him. She knew it wasn't fair. She knew that if she said the words on the tip of her tough she could destroy him forever. But now it was her turn to fall. And even though the chance of him saying yes to her was small she had to take it. She had to awake his fillings he had for her because if she didn't it would destroy her forever…..

A/N: thanks for reading please review and tell me how to get/go from here Thanks

Ps. Sorry for the wait… life gets in the way sometimes.


	16. Knightmares

Remus woke up with a stinging pain in his stomach. It took him a few seconds but he realized that he was wet. 'Holy cow I can't believe I peed my pants' he felt around for Sirius and sure enough he was right there. 'Dang it I peed on him to,' Remus felt his face flush. He started to sit up, but the pain got worse 'what is going on?' he tried to lie back down but the pain just kept getting worse.

"Sirius get up." Remus said, he tried to shake Sirius but he couldn't move. Remus moved his face closer to Sirius's ear.

"AHHHHHHHH." Remus screamed on the top of his lungs. Sirius shot up

"What... what is going on?" Sirius asked

"I need to go to the bathroom but I can't move." Remus said

"What is this all over the bed?" Sirius asked

"I might have peed a little." Remus said

"A little... it's all over me." Sirius said filling for the switch. When he turned on the light he looked at his hands, they were fool of blood. Sirius ran to Remus he was covered in blood.

"Don't' move." Sirius said he started to lift him.

"Sirius stop it hurts worse."

"What should I do?" Sirius asked scared to death.

"It's the baby Sirius I don't know what to… wake up Lily… hurry its getting worse" Sirius rushed to James's bed

Sirius picked James/Lily up and shook him/her like a rag doll.

"Lily it's Remus... he's hurt… there's blood everywhere."

Lily was still trying to open her eyes when she realized what he said. She jumped out of bed and ran to Remus.

"Remus stop trying to move if you move too much you'll lose the baby… Sirius bring me a hot towel."

"Okay but how do I get it hot?" Sirius asked

"Use hot water." Lily said removing all the blankets to try to estimate how much blood he lost.

"Remus lay on your stomach it will ease the pain." Remus was lying on his back closing his eyes, not moving.

"Okay I'll help you." Lily said.

"Here I have the hot towel." Sirius said getting the entire floor wet.

"Sirius that's too wet get some of the water out… Remus I need to take off your clothes…. I uh." Lily's face started to blush

"Just do whatever you need to." Remus said. The pain was no longer inclining but still hurt everywhere

Being as carful has she could Lily started to rip his clothes off. Lily wasn't stupid she knew where the blood was coming from. She also knew that she needs to examine it. 'I take back what I said earlier. This will be the most awkward moment of my life'

"Remus we need Madam Pomfrey. I don't think I can do this. I don't know if you lost the baby or not." Lily said.

"Please no I can't… don't girls deal with this all the time?" Remus said.

"Yeah but not when their pregnant." Lily stated.

"I have the hot towel." Sirius said looking at Remus's naked body.

Lily put Remus in a ball so he was lying on his side closest to his stomach. And rapped the hot towel around his stomach.

"Wow that did a lot more than I thought it would." Remus said.

"Sirius we need to get him in the tub." Lily said.

"Please no I can't move." Remus pleaded.

"Remus you'll fill a lot better…. Sirius come here." Lily was putting her hand on the bottom of his stomach, and holding it tight.

"I need you to put your hand here." Lily said removing her hand

"Ow ow ow... put it back hurry." Remus said. Lily put her hand back. She looked over at Sirius and he looked scared to death.

"It's okay. I'll show you where to put your hand. It'll be fine." She moved her hand again and Remus started moaning. Sirius put his hand on his upper stomach and Remus started crying.

"Sirius here" She grabbed his hands and put it in the right spot.

"IT STILL HURTS." Remus said

"Harder Sirius." Remus stopped moaning

"Okay I'll be right back, I'm going to make sure the water temperature is right, but Remus that towels going to get cold and it's going to start hurting again… I bet it's already getting cold right now." Remus nodded. Lily started the water, ran back to Remus

"Okay Remus listen to me, when we stand you up keep you're back hunched over. I'll keep my hand on your stomach but it's going to hurt really bad…. Are you ready?" Remus nodded. Sirius helped sit him up, Lily got behind Remus and forced him to stay hunched over while keeping a hand on his stomach, and on his groin.

"Sirius take off your clothes and get in first. I need you to help him lay right." Sirius turned off the water and got in. Remus was crying by now.

"Okay Sirius laid on your side… not that much…okay stop." Lily said she put Remus in the water.

"Lily it still hurts."

"Where?" Remus grabbed his groin. Lily started blushing

"Okay Sirius give me your other hand." Sirius did

"Wait I know what he can do." Lily ran out and came back with some pillows. She put one in between his legs and under his head. Remus started to close his eyes

"Okay Sirius maintain the temperature and try not to move at all." Lily whispered

"Okay thanks… oh and Lily do girls have to go through this every month?" Sirius asked

"Well it's not usually this bad but I would be lying if I said I've never done this."

"Man that sucks" Sirius said

"Yip." Lily said leaving the room. She change into dry clothes and gave Sirius his wand. She still didn't know what was wrong with Remus but she wasn't going to take any chances. She had to get madam Pomfrey. She just hoped no one would catch her.


	17. A Dark Flame

Lily Just got done helping madam Pomfrey put Remus in a bed. Of course Sirius refused to leave. She was walking back to the common room.

'I have to find out who did this to him' Lily thought right before she fell asleep

…

Being in James' body was a new experience for Lily. She never really noticed how many people respected him. Just on her way to the lake she was already stopped five times. She did however notice that the Slytherin would stay far away from her. 'Probably learned from experience' she thought to herself

Seeing this new light of James did make her like him a little, but nowhere near enough he wanted her to. The weirdest part was she felt like she was supposed to be sad. Often times she would find herself crying about stuff she didn't even cry about when she was on her period.

'CRAP I'm supposed to have my period next week' she thought

'Well I guess if he gets me pregnant I won't.' mulling it over she thought

'Wait if that happens then James is gay… well I mean a guy gay…not a girl gay…wait, but if his not a guy gay is he now a girl gay?... what the heck what if he tries to do stuff?... wait I should try to ….uh' Lily thought shaking her head.

'I shouldn't think like this' Lily still couldn't get last night out of her head. She had to find out who did this and found herself in front of the slytherin dormitory. She didn't know the password so she hid until she over heard someone say (Berg adder)

"Berg adder" she walked to Severus' room. She had to fight through about 20 death glares, but she managed. She opened the door.

"What are you doing here Potter?" Lucius spat

Severus got up off his bed and when to the door

"What do you want Potter?" Severus said coldly

"I need to talk to you." Lily said

"You don't want the entire school to hear?" Lucius said coming to the door

"I need to talk now" Lily said folding her arms

"So talk Potter" Lucius said

"Only with Sev." Lily said the nickname on hoping that Severus would know it was her.

"It's okay Lucius" Severus said

"Fine but if he kills you then it's not my fault." Lucius said leaving

Severus slammed his lips on James'/Lily's. He pulled her on to the bed and laid on top of her

"I thought you were done with me?" Severus asked. He started to take off his clothes

"Wait stop." Lily said sitting up, Severus tried to push her down but James's body was stronger

"Wait don't tell me that your actually here to kill me… cuz I thought that it was just a show for everyone so there was no way that no one would find us out." Severus said trying to take off James's/Lily's shirt. Lily wouldn't let him, so he ripped it off.

Lily didn't know what to do. The love of her life wanted to have sex with her. She wanted so badly to give in, but this was wrong she couldn't do this to James.

'Wait so James is gay to?' She found that hard to believe. James looked so hurt when she said no to him. Severus started to take off James'/ Lily's belt

"Sev. Stop we can't." Lily said grabbing his hand.

"See you say that, but you keep using my code name." Severus said taking off his/her belt. Severus took off his pants.

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked blushing

"Sev this, Sev that, you said you would only call me that when you're in love with me." Severus whispered in her ear. Sending chills throw out her body she started to become hard

"Good you're becoming hard." Severus said taking off his/her pants. He started rubbing his/her groin. Lily started moaning Lily covered her mouth

"Come on James don't fight it." Severus said rubbing faster

"I'm Lily." Severus stopped

"Come on James that's not funny."

"I really am, we switched bodies… someone casted a spell on me." Lily said. Severus looked like he was hit by a train. Lily felt like she was hit by a train. Severus got off of her and curled into a ball. Lily didn't realize she was crying. Her heart hurt so bad she wanted to run out of there, but one look at Severus stopped her. Even though he had broken her. She couldn't leave him like this. Completely naked like he was going to jump out the window. She went over to him.

"Severus are you okay?" he didn't respond Lily picked him up and put him on the bed. She put his clothes back on him.

"I'm so sorry Lily?" Severus said

"Are you going to be all right?" Lily asked Severus nodded.

Lily left the room, as soon as the door shut, she started running. Everything she knew about James was a lie. How could James do this to them. She had to find him.


	18. She's Fine

James was sitting in the common room by Lily's friends not really listening to what they were saying

"Lily… hello Lily?" Emma grabbed his shoulders James looked at her, eyes half open

"What" James whispered.

"Can I talk to you?" She asked

"I guess." James breathe, James slowly got up off the couch and followed Emma in the bedroom

"Are you okay?" Emma asked shutting the door

"What do you mean?" James asked

"It's okay Lily I'm here." Emma said hugging him

"It's James isn't… does it still bother you that he's ignoring you". Emma asked

"What are you talking about." James' asked surprised

"Two weeks ago I saw James brush you off, and you looked so sad… I know you say that you don't like him, but it looked like you were in love with him." Emma said still hugging him

"Lily's NOT IN LOVE WITH ME!" James screamed pushing Emma way and running out the door

James ran to the lake

"There's no way she likes me." James said to himself trying to catch his breath.

He started to run around the lake. He hated how weak this body was. He couldn't run nearly as long or fast as he wanted to. He wanted his body back so bad. He stopped running after 30 laps and collapsed on the ground. His legs felt like they were going to fall off, but it was the best he felt in weeks.

'_Lily doesn't like me… she can't… there's no way' _he said to himself

'_But what if she does, would you... could you still give her a chance?' _a second voice asked

'_she hurt me… she's the reason why I'm so broken… she's the reason why I'm so cold... she's the reason why I'm so scared to fall in love… she's the reason I'm so afraid… I'm been waiting… I'm been searching… I'm been hoping and dreaming she would say yes…but I know the ending of this story she's never saying yes..' _ James screamed in his head. James got up off the ground and saw his body running toward him.

* * *

><p>"There's nothing to worry about Sirius Remus is fine." Madam Pomfrey said<p>

"What about the baby?" Sirius asked

"Yes the baby's fine too." Madam Pomfrey said she walked up to Remus and put a patch on him.

"What is that." Sirius asked

"Remus doesn't have enough hormones to balance out what the baby needs. So as long as his keeps his patches on he should be fine. I'm going to lunch as soon has he wakes up he's free to go." Madam Pomfrey said, she walked out.

"Remus." Sirius said kissing his eye's. Remus opened his eyes

"Where am I?" Remus asked stretching

"You're in the hospital." Sirius said

"WHAT!" Remus panicked

"It's okay only Madam Pomfrey knows why. Besides Madam Pomfrey said that if we didn't bring you. You would've died." Sirius said

"She always over exaggerates." Remus said calming down

"I don't care Remus, it would kill me if you died... I would die to." Sirius said getting angry

"Is everything fine... Is the baby...?" Remus asked

"She's fine Madam Pomfrey said that you didn't have enough hormones to support the baby. So as long as you wear a patch you should be fine, but you have weekly checkups." Sirius said

"She?" Remus asked

"Yes were having a girl." Sirius whispered. Remus started crying Sirius hugged him

"What's wrong?"

"When I thought I lost her…. I …"Remus said

"I know me to." Sirius said hugging Remus tighter

"But everything is all right now and Madam Pomfrey said you can leave as soon as you wake up." Sirius said

"Okay let's go I'm starving." Remus said getting off the bed

"Wait Madam Pomfrey said that you have to follow this diet and you have to replace your patches every eight hours." Sirius said picking up a box and a bunch of papers.

"Okay whatever come on I'm starving." Remus said grabbing his hand and pulling him out the door.

"You go ahead I'm going to put these in the room." Sirius said

"Ok I'll see you later." Remus said

"I love you so much." Sirius said kissing Remus

"I love you to." Remus said


End file.
